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Thursday, January 20, 2011
January Mailbag
Rather than be the last person to cover the potential Jeff Suppan signing, I think I'll reach into the mailbag and see what I find. Oh wow! Actual mail from other people! And some that I made up. A hybrid, if you will. But not an actual hybrid. My mailbag is not big enough for that.
Is it true the Giants signed Jeff Suppan?
-General Public
Apparently it's close to a done deal. We need a 6th starter and Jeff Suppan needs to leave the NL Central because he's already dated all the teams in that division and they're catching on to him and his lifetime 4.69 ERA. They all talk to each other and say things like: "oh God, I dated this guy who was just so mediocre and then he left me for like the Pirates." And then there's an awkward silence when the Cardinals and Brewers realize the Pirates were standing alone over there by the punch bowl, looking forlorn and hearing every word they've said.
So why are we signing him?
As insurance in case Matt Cain decides he's tired of being second fiddle to Tim Lincecum and goes all Tonya Harding on him. Or Bumgarner really gets into a rodeo move during an off-day and fractures his mabibula. Or Zito is traded to the Yankees for Brian Cashman's elf suit. You never know what could happen.
Is he going to sit in AAA waiting for one of these things to happen?
Yes, unless he makes the big league team as a long reliever, in which case he won't get a lot of work because our starters are so good. That would likely mean Dan Runzler is sent to AAA, which would be a surprise move given that Runzler is highly regarded and is a better pitcher than Suppan. And, c'mon, when has Brian Sabean ever acquired an overpaid mediocre veteran player rather than give a young guy a chance?
Can we have a moratorium on all persons who purport to be a fan of a football team whose name rhymes with "Mets" but have never actually been to the city where they play their games from trying to steal the goodwill, underdog, band of misfits mojo that the Giants used in winning the World Series and applying it to their foot-fetish head coach, smack-talking players, and obnoxious know-it-all fans?
-Michael in SF
Yeah, I don't buy the Jets as the heir to the Giants' mojo. The Giants never talked smack about anybody unless you count that one time when Jonathan Sanchez promised a sweep of the Padres, everybody else told him to shut up, we lost 2 out of 3, and then he never talked smack again. Being a band of misfits because you defy the archaic stereotypes of your century-old sport is very different from everybody hating you because you're annoying. And I mean, the Jets did a reality show. There's NO WAY the Giants would ever do that. Right? Right?
How similar do you see the Jets' postseason run to the Giants'? A clubhouse of nutty characters with amazing chemistry who are written off every step of the way.
-Seth in Montana
Seth. You're a Giants fan. So I won't throw you under the bus by reprinting Michael's response to your email that included a valid point about Bochy's wife not making any "ginormous-head fetish" videos. Let's just say....no similarity. But best of luck to your team.
Why haven't you made a cool video like that Sully guy? Are you awkward in front of a camera like Jonathan Sanchez or something?
-Seth in Montana
Oh, c'mon! I just tried to be nice to you! Yeah, I actually am. I'm so awkward in front of a camera that when we watched the film of my wedding after it had been edited professionally, the only shots left were of the cake. Ok, that's not true. The truth is I haven't made a cool video because the video I want to make involves Brian Wilson thumb wrestling a gorilla and the gorilla won't return my calls.
What am I going to do without being able to yell "Jazz Hands!" (after an Uribe homerun) now? Can we ask Miggy to give each homer a little Dave Henderson hop and turn?
-David in SF
Sure. So that will be, what, two hops and two turns for the season?
You haven't made any nerdy Harry Potter references recently. I'm proud of you.
-Anonymous
Thanks, I'm trying hard.
What Hogwarts house do you think all the Giants' starters would be in, though? Just curious.
Oh, no, I couldn't. I really don't think I want to do that.
Buster Posey
Andres Torres
Tim Lincecum
Pablo Sandoval
Jonathan Sanchez
Aubrey Huff
(Brandon Belt)
Hufflepuff
Freddy Sanchez
Cody Ross
Matt Cain
Ravenclaw
Brian Wilson
Barry Zito
Slytherin
Pat Burrell
Madison Bumgarner
Not At Hogwarts
Miguel Tejada
(he's a squib)
Is it true the Giants signed Jeff Suppan?
-General Public
Apparently it's close to a done deal. We need a 6th starter and Jeff Suppan needs to leave the NL Central because he's already dated all the teams in that division and they're catching on to him and his lifetime 4.69 ERA. They all talk to each other and say things like: "oh God, I dated this guy who was just so mediocre and then he left me for like the Pirates." And then there's an awkward silence when the Cardinals and Brewers realize the Pirates were standing alone over there by the punch bowl, looking forlorn and hearing every word they've said.
So why are we signing him?
As insurance in case Matt Cain decides he's tired of being second fiddle to Tim Lincecum and goes all Tonya Harding on him. Or Bumgarner really gets into a rodeo move during an off-day and fractures his mabibula. Or Zito is traded to the Yankees for Brian Cashman's elf suit. You never know what could happen.
Is he going to sit in AAA waiting for one of these things to happen?
Yes, unless he makes the big league team as a long reliever, in which case he won't get a lot of work because our starters are so good. That would likely mean Dan Runzler is sent to AAA, which would be a surprise move given that Runzler is highly regarded and is a better pitcher than Suppan. And, c'mon, when has Brian Sabean ever acquired an overpaid mediocre veteran player rather than give a young guy a chance?
Can we have a moratorium on all persons who purport to be a fan of a football team whose name rhymes with "Mets" but have never actually been to the city where they play their games from trying to steal the goodwill, underdog, band of misfits mojo that the Giants used in winning the World Series and applying it to their foot-fetish head coach, smack-talking players, and obnoxious know-it-all fans?
-Michael in SF
Yeah, I don't buy the Jets as the heir to the Giants' mojo. The Giants never talked smack about anybody unless you count that one time when Jonathan Sanchez promised a sweep of the Padres, everybody else told him to shut up, we lost 2 out of 3, and then he never talked smack again. Being a band of misfits because you defy the archaic stereotypes of your century-old sport is very different from everybody hating you because you're annoying. And I mean, the Jets did a reality show. There's NO WAY the Giants would ever do that. Right? Right?
How similar do you see the Jets' postseason run to the Giants'? A clubhouse of nutty characters with amazing chemistry who are written off every step of the way.
-Seth in Montana
Seth. You're a Giants fan. So I won't throw you under the bus by reprinting Michael's response to your email that included a valid point about Bochy's wife not making any "ginormous-head fetish" videos. Let's just say....no similarity. But best of luck to your team.
Why haven't you made a cool video like that Sully guy? Are you awkward in front of a camera like Jonathan Sanchez or something?
-Seth in Montana
Oh, c'mon! I just tried to be nice to you! Yeah, I actually am. I'm so awkward in front of a camera that when we watched the film of my wedding after it had been edited professionally, the only shots left were of the cake. Ok, that's not true. The truth is I haven't made a cool video because the video I want to make involves Brian Wilson thumb wrestling a gorilla and the gorilla won't return my calls.
What am I going to do without being able to yell "Jazz Hands!" (after an Uribe homerun) now? Can we ask Miggy to give each homer a little Dave Henderson hop and turn?
-David in SF
Sure. So that will be, what, two hops and two turns for the season?
You haven't made any nerdy Harry Potter references recently. I'm proud of you.
-Anonymous
Thanks, I'm trying hard.
What Hogwarts house do you think all the Giants' starters would be in, though? Just curious.
Oh, no, I couldn't. I really don't think I want to do that.
Of course you do.
Fine.
GryffindorBuster Posey
Andres Torres
Tim Lincecum
Pablo Sandoval
Jonathan Sanchez
Aubrey Huff
(Brandon Belt)
Hufflepuff
Freddy Sanchez
Cody Ross
Matt Cain
Ravenclaw
Brian Wilson
Barry Zito
Slytherin
Pat Burrell
Madison Bumgarner
Not At Hogwarts
Miguel Tejada
(he's a squib)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Inside Andres Torres' Arbitration Hearing
Note: I had this post in my head since about 2am last night when I was putting my baby to sleep. But of course by the time I sit down to write it, McCovey Chronicles has already done the same basic idea. Now I look like a big copycat. Next thing you know, I'll be calling my blog "The Posey Papers" or "The Aardsma Articles." Damn you, Grant.
When I heard the figures for Andres Torres' arbitration "battle," I was relieved. Arbitration can actually be very nasty and knowing that the two sides aren't far off and under no scenario will the Giants be overpaying for Torres instantly calmed me down. I put my tranquilizer gun away immediately...I haven't needed that thing since November 1st.
Torres is asking for $2.6m, and the Giants are offering $1.8m. As McCovey Chronicles puts it, you gotta be crazy if you're rooting against Andres. The guy needs the money more than Bill Neukom. If he loses, Barry Zito should buy him dinner every night at any restaurant he chooses and he should get a doggy bag every time he goes out so he can save the leftovers for lunch the next day.
I'm thinking the following would be a worst case scenario for how the hearing goes:
Torres: I came from humble roots and have fought every step of the way to provide for my family. Last year I did very well and I apologize for saying that because it is arrogant of me. When I was younger, I used to pull yams out of the ground to help...
Sabean: Sweet potatoes.
Torres: They were yams. My sister and I...
Sabean: They were sweet potatoes. And then they sauteed them.
Torres: That is not true. We boiled them with dirt.
Sabean: With arugula. And fennel. And fed them to their pet peacock.
Torres: Trade me to the Padres.
Other than that, I'm thinking we're ok. Andres should win, the Giants shouldn't risk pissing him off to save $800k, and we should get our leadoff hitter and center fielder back, minus an appendix which he wasn't really using anyway.
Beautiful.
When I heard the figures for Andres Torres' arbitration "battle," I was relieved. Arbitration can actually be very nasty and knowing that the two sides aren't far off and under no scenario will the Giants be overpaying for Torres instantly calmed me down. I put my tranquilizer gun away immediately...I haven't needed that thing since November 1st.
Torres is asking for $2.6m, and the Giants are offering $1.8m. As McCovey Chronicles puts it, you gotta be crazy if you're rooting against Andres. The guy needs the money more than Bill Neukom. If he loses, Barry Zito should buy him dinner every night at any restaurant he chooses and he should get a doggy bag every time he goes out so he can save the leftovers for lunch the next day.
I'm thinking the following would be a worst case scenario for how the hearing goes:
Torres: I came from humble roots and have fought every step of the way to provide for my family. Last year I did very well and I apologize for saying that because it is arrogant of me. When I was younger, I used to pull yams out of the ground to help...
Sabean: Sweet potatoes.
Torres: They were yams. My sister and I...
Sabean: They were sweet potatoes. And then they sauteed them.
Torres: That is not true. We boiled them with dirt.
Sabean: With arugula. And fennel. And fed them to their pet peacock.
Torres: Trade me to the Padres.
Other than that, I'm thinking we're ok. Andres should win, the Giants shouldn't risk pissing him off to save $800k, and we should get our leadoff hitter and center fielder back, minus an appendix which he wasn't really using anyway.
Beautiful.
We're Breaking So Much News, Our Head Hurts
If the Giants would just stop doing things, I could go back to writing fake conversations between my fake personal assistant Igor and myself. But no.
Here's the arbitration update.
Four Giants avoided arbitration:
Ross: 1 year, $6.3m
J. Sanchez: 1 year, $4.8m
Ramon Ramirez: 1 year, $1.65m
Casilla: 1 year, $1.3m
(multiple sources including Splashing Pumpkins)
Two Giants are headed for the conference room:
Andres Torres asked for $2.6m and the Giants countered with $1.8m.
Javier Lopez asked for $2.875 and the Giants countered with $2m.
Some other contract features you may not have heard, perhaps because I may have made them up:
-Ross gets a bonus of $3 for every good-natured interview he does after a loss, thus sparing the clubhouse from watching Pat Burrell trying to whip reporters with a wet towel.
-Jonathan Sanchez gets a bonus of $675 for every series he goes without publicly predicting a Giants sweep
-Ramon Ramirez gets 40% off the sale of any "Tai Kwon Do Ram" merchandise. In case, you know, it takes off.
-Santiago Casilla gets whatever he wants as long as he promises never to throw that breaking ball he threw to Polanco in Game 4 of the NLCS ever again. Ever. Pinky swear.
Igor informs me that the correct title of this post, strictly speaking, is:
"We" are "breaking" so much news, our head hurts.
Fair enough.
But that's still better than when we did that post on the Jose Reyes-to-the-Giants trade and the title would have been:
We are "breaking" so much "news," our head hurts.
Now your head hurts.
Sorry.
Here's the arbitration update.
Four Giants avoided arbitration:
Ross: 1 year, $6.3m
J. Sanchez: 1 year, $4.8m
Ramon Ramirez: 1 year, $1.65m
Casilla: 1 year, $1.3m
(multiple sources including Splashing Pumpkins)
Two Giants are headed for the conference room:
Andres Torres asked for $2.6m and the Giants countered with $1.8m.
Javier Lopez asked for $2.875 and the Giants countered with $2m.
Some other contract features you may not have heard, perhaps because I may have made them up:
-Ross gets a bonus of $3 for every good-natured interview he does after a loss, thus sparing the clubhouse from watching Pat Burrell trying to whip reporters with a wet towel.
-Jonathan Sanchez gets a bonus of $675 for every series he goes without publicly predicting a Giants sweep
-Ramon Ramirez gets 40% off the sale of any "Tai Kwon Do Ram" merchandise. In case, you know, it takes off.
-Santiago Casilla gets whatever he wants as long as he promises never to throw that breaking ball he threw to Polanco in Game 4 of the NLCS ever again. Ever. Pinky swear.
Igor informs me that the correct title of this post, strictly speaking, is:
"We" are "breaking" so much news, our head hurts.
Fair enough.
But that's still better than when we did that post on the Jose Reyes-to-the-Giants trade and the title would have been:
We are "breaking" so much "news," our head hurts.
Now your head hurts.
Sorry.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Breaking News: Ramon Ramirez Signed
The AP is reporting that Ramon Ramirez is back for 1-year, $1.65 million.
Despite his playoff struggles, I like RamRam. He's got nasty stuff and he had a sub-1.00 ERA during the regular season with the Giants, a much bigger sample size than one bad pitch to Rick Ankiel.
I mean, what is Rick Ankiel doing hitting anyway? He should be pitching in AAA and shooting up roids and getting ejected for trying to shove the rosin bag up the home plate umpire's nose. I still get mad thinking about Game 2 of the NLDS even though we, you know, won the World Series and all that.
I have scars, people. Scars.
Despite his playoff struggles, I like RamRam. He's got nasty stuff and he had a sub-1.00 ERA during the regular season with the Giants, a much bigger sample size than one bad pitch to Rick Ankiel.
I mean, what is Rick Ankiel doing hitting anyway? He should be pitching in AAA and shooting up roids and getting ejected for trying to shove the rosin bag up the home plate umpire's nose. I still get mad thinking about Game 2 of the NLDS even though we, you know, won the World Series and all that.
I have scars, people. Scars.
BREAKING NEWS: Ross Avoids Arbitration
Ken Rosenthal is reporting that the Giants have signed Cody Ross to a $6.3 million contract, avoiding arbitration.
This isn't anywhere else on the internet that I can find, so I don't have any more details.
Is the Cody Ross of the playoffs worth $6.3m? Definitely.
Is the Cody Ross of late August who misplayed flyballs and had a low-.300's obp worth $6.3m?
No.
But this is about what we expected, money-wise. I'm banking on August being the fluke and October being Ross approaching his potential. Maybe we'll get lucky and Roy Halladay will pitch against us 49 times, which would mean Cody would hit 98 homeruns. That would be a record or something.
The best news is that we avoided an arbitration hearing. Cody would have sat there and watched that late August fly ball over and over again as Brian Sabean used a power-point presentation to explain just how completely un-freaking-believable it was that a professional baseball player could choke away a win during a pennant race with such brazen stupidity. Sabean would have sat there with a dumb grin on his face and then Ross would have said: "Roy Oswalt. Derek Lowe. Roy Halladay. Twice." And the arbitration mediator would have awarded him $57.9 million.
Good work, Sabes.
This isn't anywhere else on the internet that I can find, so I don't have any more details.
Is the Cody Ross of the playoffs worth $6.3m? Definitely.
Is the Cody Ross of late August who misplayed flyballs and had a low-.300's obp worth $6.3m?
No.
But this is about what we expected, money-wise. I'm banking on August being the fluke and October being Ross approaching his potential. Maybe we'll get lucky and Roy Halladay will pitch against us 49 times, which would mean Cody would hit 98 homeruns. That would be a record or something.
The best news is that we avoided an arbitration hearing. Cody would have sat there and watched that late August fly ball over and over again as Brian Sabean used a power-point presentation to explain just how completely un-freaking-believable it was that a professional baseball player could choke away a win during a pennant race with such brazen stupidity. Sabean would have sat there with a dumb grin on his face and then Ross would have said: "Roy Oswalt. Derek Lowe. Roy Halladay. Twice." And the arbitration mediator would have awarded him $57.9 million.
Good work, Sabes.
Giants Can Lead MLB Out of the Flomax Wilderness
So says Paul Sullivan, who emailed me the following video last night. Definitely worth checking out.
http://sullybaseball.com/
Also, Splashing Pumpkins linked to this very cool bar graph depicting the 2010 NL West race in real time:
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/517973/NLwest.swf
In the same post, Splashing Pumpkins asked when our Eric Surkamp interview will be out?
Well, I'm trying to wait until our new site is up...kind of a grand opening thing.
Hopefully that will mean a couple days. If it looks like it will be longer than that, I'll just go ahead and post it.
Stay tuned for January mailbag later today.
Flomax, by the way, is a registered trademark of the Boehringer Ingelheim company, all brand names copyrighted. Igor, my personal assistant, told me to say that. "You will be suited if you are not careful," he told me. "Already you talk about Kung Fu Panda but not movie studio that made him in cartoon lab and you broke into his house! You are bad blogger. Very bad."
http://sullybaseball.com/
Also, Splashing Pumpkins linked to this very cool bar graph depicting the 2010 NL West race in real time:
http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/517973/NLwest.swf
In the same post, Splashing Pumpkins asked when our Eric Surkamp interview will be out?
Well, I'm trying to wait until our new site is up...kind of a grand opening thing.
Hopefully that will mean a couple days. If it looks like it will be longer than that, I'll just go ahead and post it.
Stay tuned for January mailbag later today.
Flomax, by the way, is a registered trademark of the Boehringer Ingelheim company, all brand names copyrighted. Igor, my personal assistant, told me to say that. "You will be suited if you are not careful," he told me. "Already you talk about Kung Fu Panda but not movie studio that made him in cartoon lab and you broke into his house! You are bad blogger. Very bad."
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