Day 5: How the West Works

Day 5: How the West Works
.5 games back in division, 1.5 back in wild card

Last summer, Collin and I spent pretty much all of our time watching the Rockies as the Giants unsuccessfully chased them for the wild card. It wasn't a pleasent experience by any means, although it did help us bond around our common hatred. See, over time, we realized that every Rockies home game is exactly the same.
1. One of the 4 Rockies starting pitchers not named Ubaldo would pitch and give up 6 runs in the first 4 innings.
2. The Rockies would trail by 4-9 runs in the bottom of the 7th at which point the other team's manager calls down to the bullpen and demands that the bullpen send him "the worst f$%ing pitcher we have. Now."
3. The Rockies immediately trim 60-80% of the lead in the 7th.
4. The other team brings in a good pitcher in the 8th and the Rockies rally but are stil trailing with 2 outs.
5. Jason Giambi is called upon to pinch-hit.
6. Every Rockies fan stands and claps, drool dribbling down their chins
7. Giambi fouls off 13 pitches and then doubles/homers/singles/hits the ball off somebody's head
8. Rockies win.

This summer, I've watched pretty much every Padres game I can. I have found that they, too, have a system.

1. One of the 7 Padres starting pitchers who nobody has ever heard of and who has a name like a French Police Inspector (Wade LeBlanc, Clayton Richard, Tim Stauffer, Cory Luebke, Mat Latos, Jon Garland) pitches 6 innings and allows 0-2 runs.
2. The Padres will score exactly 3 runs on 2 hits, 4 walks, 2 catchers' interferences, 3 errors, 5 stolen bases, and a well-placed ground ball by David Eckstein
3. One of the Padres goofy slider-throwing relievers with 2 first names (Luke Gregerson, Mike Adams, Adam Russell) comes in and shuts down the other team. A new one comes in for the 8th and does the same.
4. Heath Bell pitches the 9th. I turn off the televsion. It's pointless.
5. Padres win

So last night, I was curious to see what would happen when they played each other. After all, they both can't win. Can they? CAN THEY? For the first 7 innings, everything was perfect:

The Padres started Cory Luebke who is their 8th best starter (they need extra starters for when Latos has anger management classes). He of course gave up 0 runs in 4 plus innings.
The Rockies started Not-Ubaldo. He gave up 5 runs in 7 innings.
The Rockies fell behind 5-0 and immediately scored 4 runs to make it 5-4.
The Padres brought in Gregerson and the Rockies didn't score.

And then in the 8th, it happened. The universe almost collapsed.

With 1 out and 1 on, Jason Giambi rose from the dugout like a roid-filled troll. Mike Adams stood on the mound.The TV flashed Adams' numbers: 0.9 ERA in august. 0 era in September. The count goes to 0-2. 1-2. 2-2. Giambi fouls off 8 pitches in a row.
Adams throws him a 96 mph fastball located on the outside corner and Giambi swats it foul.
Adams does his goofy "look! I'm about to balk!" windup and throws a 94mph slider at Giambi's massive right thigh, and Giambi catches the ball and eats it. 3-2.

And now I realize that the universe is about to collapse. Because Giambi can't fail and Adams can't fail. Something is going to fail and then life on earth will end. Adams throws a fastball and Giambi yells "Me hit ball hard!" and slams it on a line toward right field, but Adrian Gonzalez catches it and steps on 1st for a double play. Of course. Of course that is how it would end.

Today's Poll Question: Why has Mike Adams' right arm not fallen off yet?

A) Because half the sliders he's thrown were to Aaron Rowand and he pretty much half-assed them since the result was guaranteed
B) Because McCovey Chronicles is right: Mike Adams probably isn't even really Mike Adams. There are probably 10 different slider-throwing goofs out there, each one "formed from mud like an orc." and the Padres just change them when they break down.
C) Because God hates the Giants
D) Because somebody had to slay the mighty Giambi. Now that his work on earth is done, Adams will return to his home planet.