Day 7: The Stopper

Day 7: The Stopper
.5 games back in division, .5 games back in Wild Card

I like to think I know how Barry Zito's contract negotiations with the Giants went back in 2007. Something like....this...

Zito: The A's and Yankees are offering $6 million a year.
Giants: Ok, we'll give you $18 million a year.
Zito: And I want a guitar
Giants: Two! Zito: And a 5 year contract.
Giants: no, no. We'll give you 7 years.
Zito: And my own stopper.
Giants: Two stoppers! Wait, what?
Zito: You know, my own stopper. You know how every team has a great pitcher who steps up when the team is on a losing streak and acts as "the stopper"? Well, I plan on pretty much sucking most of the time and I don't want the fans to spend 5 days thinking about how much they hate me. So I'd appreciate it if you could have somebody pitch right after me and be my own personal stopper. Somebody kind and gentle. Somebody with a slight twang; a married guy with 2 dogs who doesn't cheat on his wife and looks like a goober when he doesn't get his hair cut. Hmmmm...if only we had somebody like that....

(Look! He's holding that thing you use to throw tennis balls to your dogs!)

Here we go:

Aug 22: Zito loss

Aug 23: Cain win

Aug 28: Zito loss

Aug 29: Cain win

Sep 3: Zito loss

Sep 4: Cain win

Sep 8: Zito loss

Sep 9: Cain win

Sep 14: Zito loss

Sep 15: Cain win

Now, when I say "Cain Win", I don't actually mean that Cain won. I mean the Giants won. The Giants don't score runs for Matt Cain...that would be silly. Rather, they make him sweat it out, usually trailing 2-1 when he leaves, and then come back later. Or he leaves up 1-0 and the bullpen blows it and then they win later. It's all fun and games. "Aw shucks, guys," Cain will say. "Almost had a win that time!" And everyone will laugh and laugh and then everyone else goes out to the club while Cain goes home and plays scrabble with his wife.

I like Matt Cain.

Anyway, last night, the Giants broke a 0-0 tie in the 7th on an error, sac bunt, wild pitch, and 2-out bloop broken bat bloop single. In other words, we David-Ecksteined them. Take that, Fodgers. With two outs in the 9th, Andre Ethier hit a homerun off Brian Wilson to make it 2-1. Up stepped Jay Gibbons. Count goes to 1-2. Wilson winds up. And then...slow motion...he turns to Ethier.

"Hey."

(Ethier) "You talking to me?"

"Yeah. Nice hit."

"Oh. thanks."

"So, how come Rhianna's dating Kemp and not you?"

"Uh..."

"Your manager looks like droopy dog."

"uh..."

"Good talk." (Blows fastball past Gibbons to end game)

It's magic inside.

Today's Poll QuestionDid you know that the Dogers rearranged their pitching staff to make sure they threw their 3 best pitchers against the Giants?

A) No. What punks.

B) I know! They're such a bunch of punks

C) They would do that, wouldn't they. That's just like them. Ethier didn't even play every game against the Padres. God I hate the Dodgers.

D) Honestly, we'd do the same to them. Because they are punks.