Weekly Divisional Previews: AL EAST

Now that Adrian Beltre has signed with Texas, there is nothing further to discuss, so I'm shutting down the blog. No, I'm not. That would be silly. If I did that, I'd never be able cash in on my Google AdSense because they don't pay you until you make $100 from people clicking on your ads and I've only made $16.60. But once I get $100, I swear I'm out of here. I think I'm making about 1/400ths of a cent per word right now, or, put another way, 3/875th's of a cent per Rowand joke.

Alright, so I have to find something else to talk about. Fine.

Our newest feature will be previews of each division, wild card race, and then the hypothetical playoff matchups. Previewing the playoff matchups is silly and pointless, as predicting what will happen in a 5-game series is just stupid, let alone if you're doing it 9 months before it happens. Hey! Only 9 months until the playoffs! Nice!

The staple of these previews will be measuring each team against last year's performance, and as a measuring stick, I've decided to use the following:

Improvement = A "Spiffy Buster"

Lack of Improvement = An "Angry Brian"

AL EAST PREVIEW

Teams Listed In Order of Projected Finish

1. BOSTON RED SOX

2010 Finish: 3rd
2010 Record: 89-73
2010 Pythagorean (roughly the record they would have had with neutral luck): 89-73
2011 Projection: 96-66
Difference: 7 Spiffy Busters

x7

The Red Sox were pretty good last year despite being boring to the point of frequently turning them off to watch the Jim Lehrer News Hour. Somehow they lost Jason Bay and ended up with more boring above average white guys. Their only interesting pitcher was Pabelbon, who was interesting for bad reasons.
Not this year. Adding Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez and assuming they don't have the injury issues that devastated the 2010 team should make the Red Sox offense scary. The pitching is about what it was last year, but with Buchholz emerging and Lester hopefully healthy, that pitching should be enough to win the AL East.

2. NEW YORK YANKEES

2010 Finish: 2nd

2010 Record: 95-67

2010 Pythagorean: 98-64

2011 Projection: 92-70

Difference: 3 Angry Brians

x3

As far as I can tell, the Yankees accomplished the following this offseason:

a) Resigned Rivera (fine)

b) Overpaid for Jeter (whatever)

c) Lost their set-up man (ugh)

d) Allowed their General Manager to dress up as an elf and rappel down a building (um...)

e) Got older (not good)

I will discuss their playoff fate in the AL Wild Card section, but let's just say if you're worried about what the White Sox are doing, it's not a good year in Yankee Land.

3. TAMPA BAY RAYS

2010 Finish: 1st
2010 Record: 96-66
2010 Pythagorean: 98-64
2011 Projection: 86-76
Difference: 10 Angry Brians
x10

This is a tougher call than some other teams. Losing Crawford hurts. Losing Pena, who batted .194, hurts less. The bullpen appears decimated. The starting pitching is still there, but now there are rumors that Matt Garza is being traded to the Cubs. If that's true, add another 5 Angry Brians. Crawford was the heart of their offense and the bullpen was solid last year and it looks like they're going to lose both Soriano and Benoit. Serves them right for trying to steal the Giants back in 1992.

Also, as my wife constantly points out, the Rays have chearleaders. As such, my wife hates them; baseball teams should not have chearleaders, she says. The base male part of my brain struggles with this argument but then I admit that she's right. It's stupid. And their fans wave cowbells. It's like a USF football game, only with less people in the stands.

4. TORONTO BLUEJAYS

2010 Finish: 4th

2010 Record: 85-77

2010 Pythagorean: 84-78

2011 Projection: 79-83

Difference: 6 Angry Brians
x6

Is there a plan here somewhere? Deep down in the basement of the Rodgers Centre, I can see Blue Jays executives sitting around a table munching Ketchup Chips and discussing their master strategy.

"Okee Dokee, then, eh? If we can cause a big enough earthquake to separate everything west of the Rockies and push it out to sea, then Toronto would have to be considered an AL Central team. And it's aboot time!"

I'm going to go out on a limb and predict that the Blue Jays will not set another homerun record this year and that trading one of their most reliable starting pitchers will not make them better.

5. BALTIMORE ORIOLES
2010 Finish: 5th
2010 Record: 66-96
2010 Pythagorean: 61-101
2011 Projection: 67-95
Difference: 1 Spiffy Buster
x1

Adding Derek Lee and Mark Reynolds is not going to help the Orioles eventually compete for a title. It may not even be much of an upgrade over what they already had. But it is an upgrade. Plus the division got worse. I would project a bigger gain, but according to the stats listed above, the Orioles were pretty lucky to win as many games as they did. Plus I like the picture of Buster on his wedding day. He's so spiffy!

Too bad the Orioles aren't good, because then Luke Scott could be a travelling road show. Everywhere he went, fans would waive birth certificates at him and yell "Go to your filing cabinet!" What's that? A bunch of people believe the same crap he believes? Oh man. Maybe he should run for president. And maybe Newt should do some DH for the Orioles. Can't hurt.