The San Francisco Giants used to be a pretty sorry lot. For instance, 1958. 1959. 1960. 1961. 1962. 1963. (THE FOLLOWING 36 SENTENCES HAVE BEEN REDACTED DUE TO VIOLATION OF BLOGGER.COM'S TERMS AND CONDITIONS REGARDING TIRING REDUNDANCY.) 2000. 2001. 2002. 2003. 2004. 2005. 2006. 2007. 2008. 2009. And most of 2010.
No championships. A huge number of painful close calls, none worse than 2002, but let me tell you, unless you like watching a bunch of grown men wearing teal dance around in a circle while 468 people shake their arthritis medicine in appreciation, 2003 was no picnic either.
But now we're amazing. Defending champs. And as the Saints proved yesterday in losing to the football equivalent of the 2010 Houston Astros, that's not going to last forever, so we might as well savor it while we can.
But let's not be those people who rise from their humble origins and forget the schmucks they grew up with. Let's be Andres Torres, who grew up picking yams out of the ground and now uses his fame to help children with ADHD. Hmmm. That doesn't fit, actually. It's not like the impoverished citizens of Puerto Rico sat around and said "man, if we could just get rid of ADHD..."
Anyway, my point (Yes! I DO have a point!) is that we should remember our roots:
THE WHY OH WHY DO THE BASEBALL GODS HATE US CLUB?
1. Chicago Cubs: I think it has something to do with a goat, yes? Let me see here. Aha.
The Billy Goat curse was supposedly placed on the Cubs in 1945 when Billy Goat Tavern owner Billy Sianis was asked to leave a World Series game against the Detroit Tigers at the Cubs' home ground of Wrigley Field because his pet goat's odor was bothering other fans.[1] He was outraged and declared, "Them Cubs, they aren't gonna win no more..." -Wikipedia
So, to recap. A man brought his pet goat to a baseball game. Of course, the Cubs were in the midst of a 37 year drought when this happened, so it doesn't explain everything. But anyone who watched the 2003 NLCS can attest to the power of the goat. The Cubs led 3 games to 1, and led 3-0 in the top of the 8th at home in Game 6. They also had a 5-3 lead in Game 7.
Brutal.
2. Cleveland Indians: The Indians haven't won since 1948, but I attribute that to their racist mascot. However, they can still be in the club despite the fact that they have brought this suffering on themselves because I just feel so sorry for Cleveland. We stand with you, Cleveland. I'd love to see Brian Wilson pitch to Lebron. That would be #6 in my "Weird-nonsensical sports fantasies" right after "The Stanford Tree running crossing patterns in the NFL" and "Shaq taking the bronze in women's speed skating."
3. City of Washington D.C.: The nation's capitol hasn't won a World Series since 1924, and has had to watch their team leave town twice and stand by while cities like Tampa Bay and Denver got expansion teams. And now, on the cusp of revitalization, they get a sensation like Stephen Strasburg and then....ugh. Next we'll find out that Bryce Harper is going to pull a Glenn Coffee and leave baseball to become a monk in the most esteemed temple of the High Priest Moonbeam Figtree.
4. Milwaukee Brewers: 40 years without a title. That gets you in the club. Plus I've been to a Cardinals-Brewers game in Milwaukee and it was very much like attending a Yankees-Orioles game in Baltimore. That is to say, too many fans of the road team were:
a) in the stands
b) acting with a sense of entitlement and superiority
I look forward to the Giants raising their championship flag against the Cardinals.
5. Pittsburgh Pirates: The Pirates won a title 31 years ago, but that's like saying somebody whose wife left them and hasn't had a single date in 18 years is doing alright because they dated a model once in college. Plus I feel partially responsible since their decline began with Bonds leaving. Not that Bonds to the Giants didn't make a ton of sense, but still. At least they have the Steelers.
Honorable Mention: All those new teams that have never won anything: There are different levels, though. No team created since 1980 is on that list (Rays, Rockies). The Mariners are on that list, having never made the Series. Texas is on that list. And I guess the Astros. The state of Texas has won ONE world series game in history. Guess who that game was against?
Us.
See? In the words of Giants fan Rob Schneider:
"Oh no! We suck again!"
The Baseball Gods hate the Cubs because their fans are smug little brat-eatin' surrender monkeys. Duh.
ReplyDeleteHowever, to compensate, the Baseball Gods totally dug on the Albany Little League Cubs of 2008. Witness, as proof, the unlikely number of fly balls that dropped in for hits against a formidable Athletics team in the championship.