Note: I had this post in my head since about 2am last night when I was putting my baby to sleep. But of course by the time I sit down to write it, McCovey Chronicles has already done the same basic idea. Now I look like a big copycat. Next thing you know, I'll be calling my blog "The Posey Papers" or "The Aardsma Articles." Damn you, Grant.
When I heard the figures for Andres Torres' arbitration "battle," I was relieved. Arbitration can actually be very nasty and knowing that the two sides aren't far off and under no scenario will the Giants be overpaying for Torres instantly calmed me down. I put my tranquilizer gun away immediately...I haven't needed that thing since November 1st.
Torres is asking for $2.6m, and the Giants are offering $1.8m. As McCovey Chronicles puts it, you gotta be crazy if you're rooting against Andres. The guy needs the money more than Bill Neukom. If he loses, Barry Zito should buy him dinner every night at any restaurant he chooses and he should get a doggy bag every time he goes out so he can save the leftovers for lunch the next day.
I'm thinking the following would be a worst case scenario for how the hearing goes:
Torres: I came from humble roots and have fought every step of the way to provide for my family. Last year I did very well and I apologize for saying that because it is arrogant of me. When I was younger, I used to pull yams out of the ground to help...
Sabean: Sweet potatoes.
Torres: They were yams. My sister and I...
Sabean: They were sweet potatoes. And then they sauteed them.
Torres: That is not true. We boiled them with dirt.
Sabean: With arugula. And fennel. And fed them to their pet peacock.
Torres: Trade me to the Padres.
Other than that, I'm thinking we're ok. Andres should win, the Giants shouldn't risk pissing him off to save $800k, and we should get our leadoff hitter and center fielder back, minus an appendix which he wasn't really using anyway.
Beautiful.
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