We're Breaking So Much News, Our Head Hurts

If the Giants would just stop doing things, I could go back to writing fake conversations between my fake personal assistant Igor and myself. But no.

Here's the arbitration update.

Four Giants avoided arbitration:
Ross: 1 year, $6.3m
J. Sanchez: 1 year, $4.8m
Ramon Ramirez: 1 year, $1.65m
Casilla: 1 year, $1.3m
(multiple sources including Splashing Pumpkins)

Two Giants are headed for the conference room:
Andres Torres asked for $2.6m and the Giants countered with $1.8m.
Javier Lopez asked for $2.875 and the Giants countered with $2m.

Some other contract features you may not have heard, perhaps because I may have made them up:
-Ross gets a bonus of $3 for every good-natured interview he does after a loss, thus sparing the clubhouse from watching Pat Burrell trying to whip reporters with a wet towel.
-Jonathan Sanchez gets a bonus of $675 for every series he goes without publicly predicting a Giants sweep
-Ramon Ramirez gets 40% off the sale of any "Tai Kwon Do Ram" merchandise. In case, you know, it takes off.
-Santiago Casilla gets whatever he wants as long as he promises never to throw that breaking ball he threw to Polanco in Game 4 of the NLCS ever again. Ever. Pinky swear.

Igor informs me that the correct title of this post, strictly speaking, is:

"We" are "breaking" so much news, our head hurts.

Fair enough.

But that's still better than when we did that post on the Jose Reyes-to-the-Giants trade and the title would have been:

We are "breaking" so much "news," our head hurts.

Now your head hurts.
Sorry.