Tuesday, October 5. 2 Days Until Game 1
Ahhhh, the Braves. When I think Braves, I think;
1. Tomahawk Chop
2. 1993 (HORROR)
3. 2002 NLDS (glorious)
4. Bobby Cox yelling at umpires
5. John Rocker!
Let's take a minute to remember John Rocker:
“Imagine having to take the 7 Train to the ballpark, looking like you’re riding through Beirut next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing.”
Nice.
I'll be honest...I dont' like the Braves. Now, the old school Braves, that's different. My dad grew up a Boston Braves fan, but then they moved during Reconstruction. My grandpa rooted for them no matter what city they played in. Hank Aaron, Warren Spahn...they were awesome.
But the Braves of Mark Lemke and Jeff Blauser, Javy Lopez, Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, Fred McGriff, Terry Pendleton....see? I remember every player from a team 15 years ago that I didn't even root for. That tells you how annoying they were. They won the division every year for 14 straight years, and they were on tv all the time thanks to TBS and I had to stare at this dude all the time.
You can't really tell, but it's actually very mullett-ish.
But it doesn't matter if I like the Braves or not because we are playing them in the playoffs. We could be playing a team full of adorable orphaned puppies and kittens and I'd be fired up about whipping some ass.
Giants vs. Braves 2010: Head to Head
It started with our home opener, when Edgar Renteria homered in the 9th inning to tie the game and Aaron Rowand hit a walk-off infield single. Ahhh, those were the days. When Renteria and Rowand did crazy things like make contact with a baseball with their bat.
My favorite game was two days later when:
a) I caught my first ever foul ball. Well, maybe not caught. I picked it up off the ground.
b) Timmy gave up a 2-run homer in the 1st and then was just silly good the rest of the game
c) Panda crushed a game-clinching splash-hit
View Highlights here!
Wow is Timmy good. I mean....Sheesh.
Things were not so good in August when we went to Atlanta and lost 3 out of 4, the only win coming when we rallied from 1-run down in the 9th in an inning that included two errors, a walk, and a sac-fly. (Insert David Eckstein joke here).
So, to recap, we won 3 games, lost 4, and two of our wins involved 9th inning comebacks.
Hmmmm.
But the "good' news is that the Braves are playing without Chipper Jones who broke a hip while square dancing, and Martin Prado, who broke a hip while playing baseball. The other good news is that Braves ace Tim Hudson won't pitch Game 1 as he had to pitch the last day of the season because the Braves are suckers who needed to win their last game just to make the playoffs. Ha.
Honestly, we're better than they are. This is backed up by a series of computers who ESPN pays to do computery things. According to Collin, the computer told ESPN that there's a 58% chance we'll win the series, news he then relayed to me and which I am relaying to you. So pass it on.
But of course, the real question is:
What Kind of Torture Can We Expect From This Series?
Lots of torture!
The general torture of playoff baseball and the acute torture of Giants baseball will combine with a number of specific types of minor torture to create a torture level so high that Dick Cheney will be taking notes.
*The "oh god, Timmy doesnt' have his stuff" torture. Imagine Game 1. Crowd juiced. Leadoff walk. Next batter is Jason Heyward and count goes to 3-1. Are you even still watching at that point? No. No you aren't.
*The "oh no it's the 6th inning, we haven't scored yet, and the Braves are going to bring in their crazy good bullpen people any minute now." torture. Not as bad as if you're playing the Reds and waiting for Aroldis Chapman to show up, but still bad. The Braves have a pitcher named Jonny Venters who throws 99. Of course his name is Jonny. All Braves pitchers have folksy names except for Derek Lowe who is the opposite of folksy. The other starters are named Tommy and Timmy, and the closer is Billy. They also have a set-up man named Petey. They have another starter named Jair with a little accent thing. Ok, fine. There's an exception to prove every rule.
*The "whos' going to pitch game 4 please not zito oh god its zito" torture.
Tomorrow we will discuss who should and who should not be on the Giants' 25 man roster.
An excerpt:
"While many are discussing the decision facing the Giants regarding Barry Zito, the more interesting development is whether the Giants will include Albert Pujols, Miguel Cabrera, or a cryogenically unfrozen Ted Williams to the roster. Bochy COULD add all 3, but then he'd have to leave off Nate Schierholtz, who plays such good late-inning defense."
Today's Poll Question
How do you feel about facing the Braves in the playoffs?
A) Good. They are not the Phillies.
B) Bad. They are a baseball team with 25 living baseball players on them. And we have to face them.
C) We're in the playoffs. I can't get over that.
D) 2002 was not sufficient revenge for what they did to us in 1993. It's payback time. (makes angry face)
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