SF Giants: National League Champions
Wow.
The Giants are going to the world series. This year. This team. Like starting Wednesday. And they're playing the Texas Rangers. And we have a black president. And wait...hold on....Arafat just rose from the grave and shook hands with Netanyahu...there's peace in Jerusalem. And also the Giants are going to the World Series.
After the first inning of Game 6, I really didn't think we would win. Let me rephrase. I thought we were going to lose by about 123 runs. I was already prepping myself for Game 7. What would I do when we lost Game 7? Maybe eat myself sick. Maybe cry like a baby. Maybe go for a walk. Maybe all 3. Maybe go for a walk and not come home until 4am, reeking of taco bell sauce, eyes all puffy, pants all muddy from dropping to my knees in the middle of the street and screaming "Why do you hate me???" to the Baseball Gods.
But then something weird happened. We scored 2 runs. We should have scored more. Watch this replay of Victorino's throw home. Watch what happens when it hits the mound. Then you will understand what kind of voodoo evil we're up against.
And then the game settled into the predictable torture-fest that we love so much. It wasn't Phillies baseball, it was Giants baseball. It was pretty awful, and then it became magical. Juan Uribe hit a homerun to the opposite field. You know how many of those he'd hit in the last FOUR years? Hint. Less than 1. And then the game became awful and torturous again, and then magical again only when Brian Wilson struck out Ryan Howard. Was it low, Ryan? Maybe. Shoudl you have swung? Yes, you big goober. You should have swung. But you didn't. And now YOU have to listen to Tim McCarver too. Sucka.
I laughed when the Giants rallied in the top of the 9th. As though we were going to score more runs and break the game open. I also laughed when Brian Wilson came up to hit because he looks so damn goofy in that helmet.
Speaking of Brian Wilson:
This is his quote on Buster Posey:
“It’s the first time I’ve seen some absolute, unadulterated craziness out of that guy. I thought he was going to punch me and I was totally accepting of it. I was planning a reason to thank him if he did.”
It's hard to understate how excited this area is about the Giants right now. This team is so colorful, so completely random, and their ascent to this level was so unexpected. I thought we would beat the Braves, with the understanding that we'd probably blow it. I thought we'd lose to the Phillies. We didn't. We're in the World Series. And also we're in the World Series.
Least happy people about the Giants making the world series:
A) Charlie Manuel. Looked like he was going to cry in the post-game interview. 1 title in 3 years isn't enough? Come on.
B) George W. Bush. As one person put it, the bet between Bush and Gavin Newsom is now ON. If the Giants win it all, Texas has to legalize gay marriage. If the Rangers win, we have to allow everyone in the city to carry guns and start executing everyone with a cocaine conviction. Well, ALMOST everyone. Maybe not Ron Washington. Or George W. Bush. Or Josh Hamilton. Wow. Those Rangers are all crack heads.
C) All those Phillies fans near the Giants bullpen who called Jeremy Affeldt names because he kept warming up instead of running down to the infield to stand around and pretend to fight. Jeremy Affeldt has done more to end human trafficking than you have. And he has a better curveball. Sometimes.
What kind of torture can we expect in the world series?
A) the "Cliff lee is pitching 2 games so we better win 4 of the other 5" torture. Puts even more pressure on us. Then again, Tim LIncecum and Matt Cain are pitching 4 games. And Jonathan Sanchez is usually pretty good. And Bumgarner is less bad than whoever Texas has out there in game 4. Probably some guy named C.J. or Colby or Cliff. It's like we're facing the Harvard rowing team.
B) the "wow, Timmy just made a perfect pitch, Vlad Guerrero chased it out of the zone, and still hit it 478 feet" torture. The Rangers can HIT. Which makes every inning nervewracking. Not like the Braves series where we felt like an inning consisting of Rick ankiel, Eric Hinske, and Tim Hudson was an automatic 0. Oh wait.
C) The "we really should win this series, oh crap what if we make it this far and then lose??" torture. Losing to the Phillies would feel....reasonable. I really don't feel like we should lose now. Can we not lose please?
But for now, let's just not worry about these things. Let's just focus on the unbelievable joy of making the world series.
After all, we should heed the words of our fearless leader, The Bearded One.
Reporter: Brian, what's your message to all those fans back in San Francisco.
Wilson: Go ballistic. Go ballistic because tomorrow we're going to get on a plane and fly back and join you.
Pause.
Pause.
(Turns to face camera)
FACT.
Today's Poll Question:
World. Series.
A) Who, us? What?
B) I knew it all along. Hey! Why is my nose getting longer?
C) Don't! STop! BELIEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVING! (doing the Carleton dance)
D) So there's no game 7 in Philly? Ohthankgod.
At this point, I thought of what Steve said to Marcelo after we won Sectionals (you know the game where Collin hit a home run and a double in the same inning to spark an unbelievable comeback): "Well, we came this far, we might as well win it all."
ReplyDeleteSeriously, that's what I thought when Wilson struck out Howard. Incidentally, that pitch was not low. Truefax, see PitchFX.
Also, wasn't it curious how Wilson got less wild and overthrowing as he went further into the playoffs? He wasn't throwing every sixth pitch nine feet over Posey's head. He just calmed down and basically said, "Ahhhh, fuck it. 96 is good enough if I get it over the plate."