Saturday, October 16, 2010

Philadelphia: Welcome to Torture Land. Population: Yous guys and also us

Giants 1, Phillies 0

I warned you, Phillies. Not warned in a cocky way. Not warned as in "I'm warning you, we're going to beat you." No, I warned you that previously you had been playing baseball and now you're going to have to play Giants baseball, which is like baseball but far, far, more likely to result in me hugging a pillow for comfort.

(That's where I was in the 8th and 9th, alternating between pillow-hugging and screaming obscenities at the home plate umpire whose idea of a strike is a ball that is swung at and missed.)

So Philadelphia! How does it feel? Not much fun, huh? Did you like the part where your outfielder ALMOST caught that fly ball but not quite? Or when our infielders TWICE missed getting an out because they double-clutched? Was this different from previous games you played in which lots of people hit the ball really hard and all your runs weren't scored on fluke homeruns that got carried on a jetstream and landed one row behind the wall? Ready for six more games of this? Because there will be six more games of this.

Just like how the Giants COULD have scored a bunch of runs in the 9th to break it open (bases loaded, 1 out), but didn't. The series COULD go less than 7 games, but.....nahhhh.

I have to say that my favorite part of writing this email/blog/rant thingy is that every time the Giants win a game, the number of "days of magic" goes up. Because the season goes longer. And it's pretty mixed feelings for me because
a) I love this team passionately, but
b) Watching this team play makes me want to throw up

I mean, let's take quotes from the stars of the Giants win tonight.

Cody Ross: When I was a kid, I wanted to be a rodeo clown. Those guys have no fear.
Brian Wilson: (upon being asked about his role by Jim Rome). I'm a mental assassin. Yeah...I'd say I nailed that question.
Tim Lincecum: (upon being asked what his reaction was to Wilson closing the game). I think I said f$%^ yeah!

Are they interesting, fun, cool people? yes! Do I like watching them play? Hell no!

Timmy's performance tonight was gutsy. He didn't have his best stuff. He couldn't throw sliders because of his finger. And the home plate umpire was so bad that he did the "strike-3 punch-out" motion on strike 2. But he hung in there, and one bad pitch to Werth aside, was awesome. What I love about Timmy is that his best inning is usually his last. In the top of the 7th, his spot came up in the order. He'd thrown over 100 pitches. he'd given up 2 runs the inning before. And yet there he was at the plate, flailing at Halladay's curveball like a....something. And then bottom of the 7th: three up, three down. Boom. Timmy has heart.

As for Cody Ross, I don't know what kind of voodoo devil pact he made with the Coyote God in the New Mexico desert back in his rodeo clown days, but I sure hope he sold enough of his soul to keep this up for another 13 games or so. You know, 6 more in this series. And then the first 7 games of spring training. That's what I meant. Don't try to argue with me about my meaning. I meant THAT.

So, just to recap, the Giants have played 5 playoff games so far. Every game has been a 1-run game. EVERY game.

C'mon Jonathan Sanchez. You can fix that tomorrow. Give up 15 runs in the 1st. We need a day off. The series is going 7 anyway, so what does it matter?

Today's Poll Question:
Did Brian Wilson totally nail that answer?
A) Yes. He was asked what his role on the team was, and he answered "mental assassin." That is accurate. As such, he did, in fact, nail that answer.
B) Pretty much. He could have thrown in "heart attack in a box" too.
C) Whenever Brian talks, I just smile and nod.
D) Who is he mentally assassinating? Me, Giants fan?

In-Game Text of the Night
From a Phillies fan:
"I'm hiding under my couch....(4 innings later)...Wow, we really need to vacuum down here."

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