Let Panda Eat!

2010-2011 Offseason Preview: The Infield

Alright, let's do this. The 2011 Giants infield will be:

3b: Buster Posey

SS: Buster Posey

2B: Buster Posey

1B: Gerald Demps "Buster" "Trips" Posey III

Cool. Moving on to other subjects...

Ok, fine, I'll discuss this seriously.

FIRST BASE:

Projected: Aubrey Huff

Sabean's World: Aubrey Huff

Andy's World: Aubrey Huff

Intriguing Other Options: Brandon Belt, Adam Dunn, Buster Posey

Let's start at 1B, where the Giants are interested in re-signing Aubrey Huff and Aubrey Huff is interested in resigning. We want his plus 900 ops and his rally thong, and he wants our sourdough bread and sensational chinese food. It seems like this is a good match, although there should be some consideration for the fact that instead of $3 million a year, Huff Daddy is going to want like $10 million a year. And multiple years. And more bread. Money doesn't grown on trees, Aubrey.

The problem with winning the world series is that all your mediocre players become stars. Huff is the exception in that he isn't really mediocre, at least not this past year. His numbers were legit. But can he maintain that? IT doesn't matter. Sabean will pay him. Aging veteran with inconsistent career numbers equals Brian Sabean whipping out the check book and writing a reasonable number on the check and then adding like 5 zeros.

Adam Dunn is intriguing only in that Huff will probably demand Dunneque money, so we might as well just get Dunn himself. We can require he bring a thong. (BYOT) Somehow I see him going elsewhere, though. Somewhere east-coastish. Posey is not a joke as a possible 1st baseman, as the Giants look to preserve his legs. But I think they have to ride him out as a catcher for another couple years until they can find a suitable replacement. Can you imagine Eli Whiteside in the lineup 6 days a week? You can? Really? Has he gotten any, you know, hits yet? Keep me posted.

Brandon Belt may or may not be ready by April. I think he's ready. I just asked him if he was ready, and he said "born ready." And my friend Ian found him on facebook and reported that he likes "Fried Green Tomatoes" and "when you dont' have to say I love you because you say it with your eyes." He should really take that down before Brian Wilson sees it.

Huff.

2b:

SET: Freddy Sanchez

Woohoo! another year of Freddy! He's going to play great defense! He's going to hit like almost .300! He's going to have an obp of almost .330! And he's going to bat 2nd! And he's going to give his kids the same haircut he has!

SS

Projected: Juan Uribe

Sabean's World: Juan Uribe

Andy's World: Juan Uribe

Other Intriguing Options: NONE. THERE ARE NONE. IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT SIGNING JJ HARDY, I WILL STOMP UP AND DOWN UNTIL YOU STOP.

Uribe should be coming back, though like Huff, for more money and more years. At least we don't have 31 million already devoted to Aaron Rowand and Barry Zito! Sigh. But Uribe deserves it because he's awesome and because most shortstops in the majors suck. None suck more than JJ Hardy. When JJ Hardy signs with some team other than the Giants, I will be throwing a party. You are all invited. We will watch clips of his 2009 season with the Brewers in which he was demoted to the minors in June after hitting under .200. We will eat pretzels. And we will eat the local food of whatever team signs him (please let it be the Reds...I love coney dogs).

3B

Projected: Pablo Sandoval

Sabean's World: Pablo Sandoval even if he wont admit it

Andy's World: Pablo Sandoval

Other intriguing options: Um....Uribe? Then who plays short? Who? NOOOOOOOOO! Not JJ Hardy!

You know how they have shirts that say "Let Timmy Smoke"? Well, that's not really my thing. I want my own shirt that says "Let Panda Eat." See, the Giants are a bunch of haters, tryng to tell him to lose weight and not suck so much next year. But they don't really get it. Only when Kung Fu Panda gains another, say, 57 pounds and yet becomes more athletic in the process can he truly become truly Panda-esque. Sending him to diet camp will only make him sad. We need a happy Panda. Because the alternatives are scary.

JJ Hardy career slash line:

263	.323	.423

Pablo Sandoval Career Slash Line:

305

.356

.484

That's right. He's a career .300 hitter. You got a bunch of career .300 hitters lying around somewhere, Sabean? Please let us know if you do. Because they weren't in our lineup last year, so maybe you should let them out of your basement?

So that's my infield of choice: Huff, Uribe, Sanchez, Sandoval.

And here's my offseason food of choice for Pablo:

PICTURE OF THE DAY:

Rachel watches the Giants clinch

That look is translated as: "Did they really not blow it?"