Matt Cain is Gangsta

The best Sabeanic responses to my poll question are included below with some commentary. None of these, by the way, measures up to the text I got during Game 2 of the World Series which read, simply:

Matt Cain is Gangsta.

"Let Huff walk. Resign Uribe for 3 years. Start Belt at 1B. Trade for Uggla, trading Wheeler if necessary, but not Culberson. Resign Ross. Lineup = Belt-1B, Sanchez-2B, Uribe-SS, Uggla-3B, Ross-RF, Rowand-LF, Torres-CF, Posey-C. Rotation: Lincecum-Cain-Sanchez-Bumgardner-Zito. A little bit of future pitching for hitting. Scouts love Wheeler, but he had an uneven year and his trade value is likely at its highest. He might be a Marlin stud or he might flame out and go by the way of Alderson. This leaves Panda as the odd man out, but Belt could be moved to RF (usurping Rowand) with Panda taking over at 1B if he gets his act together."

Ok. I like it. Sorta. Two problems. One, Uggla is already gone. Two, it involves Aaron Rowand in the starting lineup. And besides, Bochy already has demonstrated that when Torres and Rowand both play, Rowand plays CF despite Torres' unbelievable UZR. Bochy thinks UZR is a futuristic robot that will shine his shoes. Good knowledge with the whole "trade Wheeler but not Culberson." Of course, I could throw in some random names and pretend they are Giants prospects and nobody would know. "Trade Hackensack, but do NOT trade Ninnybooboo. He is absolutely tearing up the NDWL." See? I even made up an entire minor league: The North Dakota Winter League. I dare you to prove it doesn't exist.

first order of business: sign David Eckstein

I like it! As the old saying goes, "if you can't beat them by more than 2 games despite the fact that their 2nd best hitter is also their 2nd best Hairston, um, join them?"

If I were Brian Sabean (and I think we can all be glad that I am not), I would take the following actions over the off-season: First, I would pay Brian Wilson's playoff beard a ludicrous amount of money to play in the outfield, thus leaving Jayson Werth no choice but to stay with the Phillies. Further, I would start giving Bustey Poser, er, excuse me, Buster Posey, hormone injections so that he would hurry up and hit puberty already. Finally, I'd probably make sure to give Tiny Tim a hug every time he came into the room. Why? Because he'd either be totally into it and get all excited about hugging me because he's just a whippersnapper who needs to be hugged every once in a while, or (even better), he'd be totally weirded out by it and get increasingly uncomfortable every time I walked into the room and started heading in his direction.

Oh, and I'd get Pat Burrell to pluck his eyebrows to a reasonable size, because DAMN.

Um. This is what happens when you put a Phillies fan on your list. But this is a Phillies fan with a West Coast sense of humor. I like it. An east coast sense of humor would be a sign that reads "Hippy trash!" A west coast sense of humor is a sign that reads "NOBODY boos Santa Claus!" Insanely unfair generalization over.

If I was Brian Sabean I would lie in wait. Knowing how in sports, everyone tries to emulate the latest winner. If you win the super bowl with the west coast offense, every team will implement the west coast offense the following year. In this case all the baseball general managers will see how the Giants won with a sucky offense and will dump their best hitters in order to try to replicate the Giant's success. Sabean should be able to pick up these good hitters on the cheap. The other trend that will become very popular among managers is to not play your highest paid players. All this should work out very nicely for the giants next year.

This one is fiendishly smart. I like it even more than the signing Eckstein idea. Albert Pujols...7 years, $500,000 per. Come on down! Put on some orange and black! Oh, and stop going to Glen Beck rallies. Thanks.

Finally, and this is a longshot and risky: if the Panda doesn’t look like he is making progress in the offseason, and if Runzler looks like he can be a viable member of the rotation, consider packaging the Panda and Jonathan Sanchez for a young, healthy, good all-around SS or 3B, if one of them becomes available in trade.

This was this person's 7th point, and his first 6 were all right on. I like this deal. I would do it for Evan Longoria. And now that Tony Parker is out of the way, the marriage that God intended is now finally possible:

Evan and Eva Longoria. First couple of the San Francisco Giants. Be still, my heart...

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/So-you-re-saying-there-s-a-chance-Evan-and-Eva-?urn=mlb-286699