Brian Sabean at the Winter Meetings

Lake Buena Vista, Florida-

If I ruled the world...

"Hi, I'm Brian Sabean. Yes, what's that? Oh thanks. Yes, we did win the world series. Well, thanks. Always overpay for old hitters, that's what I always say. Finally rewarded for our effort, and it feels good. Now, let's get down to business, Kevin. Hold on. (whispers to assistant) Psst. Which team is he GM of again? Really? I thought that was Walt Jocketty. He's with who? What happened to that other guy, what's his name? Really?? He should get that looked at. Ok, so, Kevin, let me be blunt. Do you need a good defensive center fielder and clubhouse leader with occasional pop? No? Have a good day."

(Wanders through hallway with assistant.)
"Do they have chinese food here? Wait, so chow mein is called lo mein? That's just stupid."
(Runs into another GM.)

"Any interest in a good defensive center fielder and clubhouse leader with occasional pop? He's making 13 mil next year but we'll pay half. What do we want? I don't know, got any Class-A ball knuckleball throwing relievers?"

(Walks into bathroom, sees GM at urinal)

"I got this good defensive center fielder and clubhouse leader with occasional pop. He's making 13 mil next year but we'll pay half. Half of 13? I dont' know, 6 something I think. You got any really good new baseballs? Like gleaming white with the crisp seams? We're always running out. Well, call me."

(Takes phone call back in hallway from GM)
"You have a female seal mascot suit readily available? Yeah, he gets lonely. Batting average? Last year? I think .240, but he hit .268 in day games played in red states. What's that? Oh, 2004. There weren't enough red states in 2008 to form a decent sample size."

(Wanders around, eating noodles out of takeout container, runs into Peter Gammons)
"Listen, I know the Red Sox are worried about Jacoby's hip. We've got this guy. We'll pay half. Do you know if the Sox have an ambidextrous trainer in their farm system? You have my number, right?"

(Sits down in lounge, watches ESPN. Turns to assistant)
"Lebron and Wade really need to space the floor better."
Silence.
"I'm bored. Let's go back to the room and watch replays of the Renteria homerun and order room service."