Various "News"

On a day when Yahoo Sports reported such gems as: "Dustin Pedroia tests out bad ankle in mad dash to catch plane," there is still, amazingly, news to report. Sort of.

Edgar Renteria Still Not Sure:
Renteria is deciding between offers from the Marlins and Giants (where he won championships) and the Cardinals (where he reached the world series but lost). The Marlins and Cardinals are probably offering more money and more years than the Giants, who are offering Edgar the chance to be a backup to a guy with a .692 ops. He's still deciding. He's still considering taking less money to play less. So either he really wants to win and that John Buck signing didn't convince him of Florida's resurgence, or he really, really, really likes that Thai restaurant on Geary.

McCovey Chronicles Makes Funny Joke, But I Don't Get It:
The following headline was posted on McCovey Chronicles the other day:

Dodgers Sign Eugenio Velez: MLB Rumors
Ned Colletti confirmed the deal as he was eating dinner with his mother, Angela Lansbury.

I laughed out loud when I read it...it struck me as really, really funny. But I don't get it. Isn't that weird how something can be funny but you don't get it? Can somebody help me? Is it Coletti's stache?

Andres Torres is Even More Loveable Than We Thought:
A new documentary is coming out about Andres Torres and his life story, including his battle with ADHD. The story is posted on SFGiants.com, and features the following quotes:

"I came from a poor family. But it doesn't matter. What matters is what's in your heart."

"It's about giving kids hope and never giving up," Torres said of the film project. "You have to keep working hard. I want to be something positive, especially for kids with ADD. It's a message for the kids."

And, the best line of all:

"(Torres) was raised in Aguada, Puerto Rico, where he, a brother and a sister frequently occupied themselves by pulling yams from the earth. Torres developed sprinter's speed despite not even having shoes for many years."

He occupied himself by pulling yams from the earth? Can you top that? This reminds me of the Daily Show episode when Stephen Colbert is imitating politicians talking about their humble beginnings and tells Jon Stewart that his grandfather was a "Turd Miner."

"Yes, up at the crack of dawn, and then down into the hole," Colbert said. "But that's life in the turd-belt, Jon."

He pulled yams from the earth! Before opening day, Torres should run out to center field and dig a yam out of the ground, hold it up over his head in triumph, and then auction it to raise money to fight childhood ADD. That ceremony would have the added bonus of giving Andre Ethier more time to do his hair.

Russell Martin Becomes Possibly Less Likeable:
Our good buddy Russell Martin was pretty easy to dislike as a Dodger. Now that he's a Yankee, he may be even less likeable. That's pretty amazing. Meanwhile, the Dodgers signed Dioner Navarro to replace him. Navarro is, in fact, a major league catcher. After Martin left, the Dodgers didn't have one of those, so this counts as a positive development for the folks in Northern Orange County. Last year, his ops was .528.